How to levitate a dog

I'm learning magic tricks. I can make lots of things disappear -- food, cats, toys, and just about anything my pack leaves on the floor -- that is easy. But my favorite trick is to levitate. Here's how you do it.

First, you find a big yellow ball. Don't be scared if it has a ghost on it because it is not a real ghost.



Next, you put your head on the ball:



Then hold real still and you will start to levitate. Your ears usually levitate first...



Here we go...



Weeeeeeeeee!

Finally, a cat I like!

The Sandbox

Today I played in the cats' sandbox. It was really fun. There are lots of unique smells and if you dig, you can find some special treats! Sometimes the sand gets in your nose. Playing in the sandbox is a sure-fire way to earn a bath, however.

Let's talk bones

I found an AMAZING bone yesterday. I don't know where this varietal is from, but dude, is it ever SMOOTH! It starts with an aggressive fleshy taste and a nice snap then finishes soft on the palate with a divine hint of sweet marrow. It's gotta be 90+ points. Pairs well with slippers.

Cats are not fair

When you try to play with them they just stare or spit at you,


They don't have to do 'come' or 'lay down' or 'rollover' or any tricks,



They get to sleep on the bed and not in a crate,

They don't have to wear stupid clothes,


They get to climb on anything they want and they balance really good,


They don't have to take a bath,



They get to play in a sandbox whenever they want,

And I'm sure there are many more reasons why they are not fair but I don't know them yet.

How to annoy a cat

I have been living with cats for a month now and I have learned some things, like how to annoy them. Here is my top 10 list.

10. Look at it.



9. Bite its tail when it is sitting on a windowsill.



8. Push down the cat pole it’s sitting on.




7. Poke your head in the litter box when it’s takin’ care of business.

6. Try to sniff its butt on a dead run.



5. Hop in the sack with it.



4. Call it a pussy … cat.

3. Try to join in when it is licking itself.

2. Pretend it is a toy and try to bite the squeaky bit.

1. When it is staring at the wall like a hypnotized moron, sneak up behind it and bark real loud.

If you do #1, usually this is what happens:

My new bed

My pack bought me a new bed. I don't like it. It is too crowded and hissy.


I like my old bed better...