My girlfriend Lucy

Lucy is my favorite girlfriend.


She is a shitzu which is a kind of dog that looks like it ran into a wall one too many times. Lucy is fun to play with except sometimes she gets cranky and bites me when I jump on her and then I have to stop for a minute. Lucy also has really buggy eyes which means that her collar is too tight I think. They say girl dogs are called bitches, but I don't think Lucy is a bitch. I think she is nice. Except when she bites me, then she is a bitch I guess.

Shipwreck

I don't know what I ate, but when it came out... dude, it was EVERYWHERE! My pack called it a shipwreck. It took them a long time to swab my poop deck...

How to levitate a dog

I'm learning magic tricks. I can make lots of things disappear -- food, cats, toys, and just about anything my pack leaves on the floor -- that is easy. But my favorite trick is to levitate. Here's how you do it.

First, you find a big yellow ball. Don't be scared if it has a ghost on it because it is not a real ghost.



Next, you put your head on the ball:



Then hold real still and you will start to levitate. Your ears usually levitate first...



Here we go...



Weeeeeeeeee!

Finally, a cat I like!

The Sandbox

Today I played in the cats' sandbox. It was really fun. There are lots of unique smells and if you dig, you can find some special treats! Sometimes the sand gets in your nose. Playing in the sandbox is a sure-fire way to earn a bath, however.

Let's talk bones

I found an AMAZING bone yesterday. I don't know where this varietal is from, but dude, is it ever SMOOTH! It starts with an aggressive fleshy taste and a nice snap then finishes soft on the palate with a divine hint of sweet marrow. It's gotta be 90+ points. Pairs well with slippers.

Cats are not fair

When you try to play with them they just stare or spit at you,


They don't have to do 'come' or 'lay down' or 'rollover' or any tricks,



They get to sleep on the bed and not in a crate,

They don't have to wear stupid clothes,


They get to climb on anything they want and they balance really good,


They don't have to take a bath,



They get to play in a sandbox whenever they want,

And I'm sure there are many more reasons why they are not fair but I don't know them yet.